17-year-old sister calls out brother in law by giving him a cookie every time he is impolite to others: 'I would open the jar and give him a cookie saying “Here’s your peace offering!" [...] Everyone would burst out laughing and he would shut up'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Mar 28, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

If you give a mouse a cookie he's going to want a glass of milk to go with it. But if you give a cookie to your toxic brother-in-law every time he's being ill-mannered, impolite, or generally audacious—you're going to end up with a bad-tempered brother-in-law who isn't happy about being finally called out on his behavior—even if it's in a way that is so incredibly delicious. 

Some people never grew up and it shows. But that's because growth takes effort and self-reflection and some people are incapable of either of those things. So you end up with these "adults" who are weirdly frozen in time with the maturity and wisdom you'd expect from someone much younger. It's as if the world is passing them by and they are just along for the ride doing the same thing year after year. And that's fine you can live your life how you want—generally. But the exception is when it negatively impacts other people 

The trouble is, that people will generally put up with bad behavior to a point in order to keep the peace and when no one is confronting them and others are actively enabling them it becomes this thing where their behavior becomes increasingly emboldened and out of control.

This 17-year-old found a way to confront her brother-in-law's bad behavior in a way that shamed him and put him in his place by giving him a cookie every time he was impolite to others. The exchange sparked a rift in the family which prompted her to share her experience with this online community to see 

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  • 01

    "Its been sometime and he hasn't made any snide remarks but yesterday my sister texted me how [he] feels disrespected and they won't come for dinners if i don't stop giving him cookies."

    Cheezburger Image 10487200512
    via Drew Hays

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    "AITA for giving my bil his favourite cookie when he was being [impolite]?"

    So this whole thing is a bit confusing hence why i am here for some advice. My (17f) oldest sister's (25f) husband. (lets say spongebob) is well.... one of those people who would call themselves as "just brutally honest" but are actually kind of ride. My sister doesn't mind and many times has to act as a peacemaker whenever spongebob makes a snide remark that causes tension in the family. However he went too far when my other sister (23f) told the family that her fiance cheated on her with his c
    via throwRA_cookiee
  • 03
    my sister is struggling with PCOS and has gained weight recently. She is obv very self conscious about it and hence. started crying after hearing such remarks and left shortly after. My oldest sis ofc tried to diffuse the situation and told that he meant no harm, and just the way he is. My parents were very angry and for a few months were low contact with my oldest sis but eventually everyone forgave each other. I didn't like how again and again our family had tension because of it so i came up
    via throwRA_cookiee
  • 04
    cookies that i make, so i made many small cookies, filled them in a jar that i secretly named " pacifier" and later whenever he would say something ride, i would open the jar and give him a cookie saying "Here's your peace offering!" Everytime that would happen, everyone would burst out laughing and he would shut up.
    via throwRA_cookiee
  • 05
    Its been sometime and he hasn't made any snide remarks but yesterday my sister texted me how spongebob feels disrespected and they won't come for dinners if i don't stop giving him. cookies. To that i replied "Here, u need a cookie too. Don't be a have a cookie". She called me names and blocked me. My family finds it hilarious but now i think i might have gone too far. AITA? TLDR- i might have gone too far by giving cookies to spongebob.
    via throwRA_cookiee
  • 06
    [UPDATE] Ok so, i think for now this situation is sorted somehow, thanks everyone who commented because for a moment i did think i went too far lol. Ok so after i got blocked, i told mum about it and she said she would talk to my oldest sister and asked me to stay away from the matter for now, but reassured me everything will be fine. Idk what exactly happened but my sis(23f) told me later about it. Apparently my oldest sis vented about the whole thing to our cousins (we all are very close) and
    via throwRA_cookiee
  • 07
    all formed a group chat that included my cousins, both my sisters, my mum and my aunts (i wasn't included as the adults wanted to discuss the matter on their own). Well they all basically shared their own experiences when spongebob was ride to them as well (like when he said that one of our cousin's wedding was sort of tacky, or when he was criticising my other cousin cuz she didn't know how to cook so her husband does most of it).
    via throwRA_cookiee
  • 08
    There were a lot more things which were being told and my oldest sis (lets call her buttercup) had no idea of. They all found the cookie story hilarious too and even said that they all will keep small cookie jars at their homes just in case. Well i think buttercup was sort of embarassed because she said she will have a chat with spongebob and later he came to the group chat and apologised (idk how genuine that was but oh well). He even texted me, and told that even tho he is still hurt but under
    via throwRA_cookiee
  • 09
    and i can now stop giving him cookies that way. I apologised too (out of respect) and offered him the cookie jar, but this time as an apology. He said he will accept the peace offering. My sis unblocked me and said she was sorry for lashing out. I loved the idea that someone told about the fucupcakes and my cousins and i decided that its prob what we gonna make if he acts "brutally honest" again, because oh well, who won't like a lil cupcake?☺☺
    via throwRA_cookiee
  • 10
    Cheezburger Image 10487200768
    via Natalie Behn

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 11
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: 1. i gave my brother in law a cookie whenever he was rode. 2) since it made him feel awkward i might be the ah le.
    via throwRA_cookiee
  • 12
    DgShwgrl Oh boy, I love this! You're fighting "that's just how he is" blunt honesty with "that's just how she is" killing it with kindness! I've legit giggled at this because you are doing nothing wrong and if BIL is getting self conscious about his behaviour then HE needs to reflect and change, not you. Absolutely, easily NTA but totally hilarious
    via throwRA_cookiee
  • 13
    panikitty NTA, except that SpongeBob did not deserve a tasty cookie! However, finding a way to use cookies to indicate disapproval is pretty funny! Kinda love it! Seriously, insulting him is pretty irrelevant given he is both insensitive to others and very touchy about how he himself is reacted to socially. As an aut tic person I understand being accidentally too blunt, but I try
    via throwRA_cookiee
  • 14
    hard to accept that I can get my responses wrong, and can be accidentally hurtful. It's my responsibility to learn from my mistakes as best I can, not to get all butthurt when I drop a clanger and get called out. He needs to take a concrete pill and harden the say. up, as my partner would
    via throwRA_cookiee
  • 15
    elgrn1 What you're doing is called negative reinforcement and it's a well known conditioning technique. Good on you for not stooping to his level but calling out the behaviour nonetheless. If your sister is so okay with his "brutally honest" behaviour that's fine, she's allowed to make that choice. And the rest of you are also allowed to make the choice to not
    via throwRA_cookiee
  • 16
    be around someone so intentionally obnoxious. This is how boundaries work. You aren't making demands or creating rules, you're simply saying "we won't tolerate this behaviour". NTA
    via throwRA_cookiee
  • 17
    That_UsrNm_Is_Taken NTA. This makes me think of the saying, "Honesty without compassion is cruelty" and BIL just uses "honesty" as an excuse to be cruel. It's also very Interesting how sister and BIL want to set boundaries and expect things that offend them not to be done and yet don't consider their behavior should change when they're offending others. I would ask sister to reflect on this.
    via throwRA_cookiee
  • 18
    I would also gaslight her the way I'm sure they have gaslit you and say things like, "I'm just being myself." "I made him cookies... that's a nice thing!" "I'm just kidding... can't he take a joke."
    via throwRA_cookiee
  • 19
    slendermanismydad This is perfect. they won't come for dinners if i don't stop giving him cookies. You really set that a h le up so well. I'd be proud of you if you were my kid. Not a waste of cookies because no matter how he tries to spin this story, he will look like an a h le to everyone. NTA.
    via throwRA_cookiee

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family drama siblings family feud in laws family brother in law
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